Remember to Appreciate Life

I suppose this would be another reflection post.  Two weeks ago I had a bad day with a terrible headache behind my left eye that mom and I think was caused by sinus pressure. It’s been a while since I’ve really felt bad so it bought down my spirits temporarily. While in bed the next morning with my headache finally gone, I couldn’t help but think that I let it get to me a little too much. I’ve been so much worse. Then for some reason, it got me thinking about how scary my situation has been. I believe I mentioned this briefly in a post long ago, but although medicine has come a long way, my bone marrow transplant is still a dangerous procedure. There’s a 25% fatality rate.  That means  1 out of 4 do not survive;  that’s a pretty sad statistic is in my view. At this point, it’s very unlikely that I’m in that percentage, but while in the hospital, it was always in the back of my mind. I would try not to think of it, but at times (especially when I felt my worst) it would surface. I’m pretty sure I haven’t shared this, but in the hospital, one of my fellow patients passed away. I didn’t know her name. She was on the opposite side of the floor, but her husband talked to mom in the family room. Mom talked to almost all the caretakers there. In fact, we still see several of them at Moffitt every day since we all were released around the same time. The poor woman had been on a respirator and lived for 3 days after it was removed. Those were difficult days. Being the floor’s star walkers, we would pass her room several times a day. Her whole family was there and it was just so sad. Her husband tried to keep a smile on his face (even after she passed) and he was just so nice. When this all happened, I was pushing a full IV pole while walking and dealing with my worst pain and not being able to eat solid food. The timing just made the situation that much more difficult to watch. At the same time, I had to be thankful that I was still alive and managing to survive. It may be cliche, but life is a gift that we often forget to appreciate. With my oral cancer in 2005, I experienced a passing that was much more personal. After my surgery, I often had to go to Miami for prosthetic adjustments and check-ups. On one such occasion, there was another woman with her husband in the waiting room and you could tell she was extremely nervous. My doctor came out and introduced us so that she could talk to me because I had already been through the surgery and was doing well with my prosthetic. Her name was Diane Blazy and she taught photography at the Ft. Lauderdale Art Institute. Her specialties were flowers and angels; she did beautiful work. She was in her 50s. We didn’t have the exact same oral cancer; hers was more serious, as she had to have lymphnodes removed. We talked, exchanged information, and Diane called me quite often while going through her surgery and radiation treatments. Again, since I was ahead of her, I could really tell her what to expect. She had a harder time with her surgery because of the lymphnodes, and she found the prosthetic more challenging. As time passed, the calls became more infrequent until I didn’t hear from her for a long time. Every year we would send them a Christmas card, then in 2007 we received a shocking response. Her husband, Bob, sent us a card with a newspaper article copy eulogizing Diane; the cancer had taken her life. The big “C.” That word makes people cringe and I know with Joel, I usually have to say I was “sick” rather than using the word “cancer.”

Be thankful for each day and avoid the stresses of everyday life because only God knows when it’s our time. I’m going to be working at this every day because, like everyone else, I get caught up and forget. I believe Diane and the woman on my floor are with the Lord and finally pain-free, but I feel for the families they left behind. Love each other and focus on the positive. Choose joy over anger and praise God for showing me the correct path.

Related posts:

1. Re-Discovery and Self-Reflection
2. A Valentine’s Weekend to Remember
3. So Thankful
4. Tuesday and It’s Thankfully Over
5. G is for…

Tags: Jamie, Reflection